Simulation 1

There in the morning light as daybreaks beside me, I find you....


Huddled in church pews, Godless, staring at me with slight intent I find you....


Staring at my daughters with loving eyes and a caring heart I find you...


Caught between your forehead and your thighs I find you...


Thinking of our secret meets, lunches and all the meals you feed me I find you...


now my heart is heavy, spirit weighing on my shoulders, my eyes are dim,  my breathe is low, my love hiding in shadows of slow replies, offline statuses and low batteries

I search for you...


come find me..

HER ( a memory of autumn)

There is so much history in the way I say her name,

the way my eyes lie

When we were together , a  current ran between us,

an electrical charge on the verge of erupting into a perfect storm

"I dont love her anymore" I say to myself...

but its all in the way I say " HER" when that look in my eyes return

Dinner for 2?

Theres a fork in the road..

I pick it up to feed myself 

On my plate, the slain innocent meat of your thighs, the stolen milk taken from your breast, the fruits of your branches and the salted sweat of your hunt

I crush your bright red cheeks beneath my teeth

Your seeds will live in my body

And the buds of Your tomorrows

will blossom in my heart

And I shall wear your fragrance on my breath

I harvest your blood as wine and my lips will spill red with drunken "I Love you's"

And more and more

with every bite I take 

You

        Consume

                                    Me

a Garden of Words

Muddy footprints , trail twelve muddy footprints

Cloaked Black hearts bear heavy memories

Red Roses weep from the sky in singularity

Returned to the earth,ashes to ashes

A spirit Seed planted with a Hymn

Nurtured by grateful smirks

Watered with tears

in a Garden

of

Words

You have a war in my mind

You've declared war on me,

a war between logic and love
a war between emotion and reason
a war between tears and smiles

you've made a handgun of my heart
loaded it with your eyes
shot me twice with a kiss,

Head-shot

your trumpets of laughter march on through my village
bellowing a love cry through my city
breaking down my walls
plundering my coats/treasures for your own


You've killed my insecurities
murdered them in our sleeps
put your soldiers in my arms
and let them arrest me

I remain a prisoner of war
bound to you

there will never be peace

until I declare war on you

dIMENsIONAL iNTRoSpECTiVE- Time Traveler

*a weary time-traveller whose spent his life traversing our linear timeline ,searching for the purpose of meaning, finds himself stranded in a null void on the opposite end of our reality spectrum,where time no longer exists ,his time-travelling pod rendered useless, he sits down on the rigid alien rock beside his pod and begins to weep, fighting his tears he closes his eyes and says"

In all my wrongS.
 I FELT I wanted to find meaning..
I hear the past in my ears, I remembeR
Past that is olD
Thats Past Me.     pretending to knoW
Sitting back he goes " I told you sooooooooO"

In all my rights.
I KNEW I had to find purpose
Purpose as dreamt of, destiny or death
Future that is new
Future ME in hopes and dreams
Kneeling down on one knee praying "Ameen"

In all of whats left..
I QUESTION everything, I am
Concotion of cultures, media vultures, true religion ,true superstition, there is flight or fight in your gift of the present
Present ME who realises in purpose and in Meaning cannot exist without ME
Focused in the pod-mirror he smiles and says..


"SOUL"

" the time traveler opens his eyes and sees you, sitting there, reading this poem right now, he wipes his tears and whispers " start reading this poem from the bottom up and then come find ME"

The 7 Hours between loving you and leaving you

 6am: Cape Town is sad in the winter. I open the window and the air sticks to my skin like a diving suit. I can still feel you on my fingers; a glove I cannot take off.

7am: Back in my room I do not lay in our bed. The sheets are arranged perfectly like the clothes in a coffin. I fall asleep on the floor as the traffic winds up for morning. My sleep is the sleep of heaped scrap yard; everything rattles here.

8 am: I wake up and remember a love poem I wrote for you and then think of the first night you stayed in my bed and you told me "I missed this so much, I love you and will always love you more and more." I did not respond. I watched you, the way one watches smoke leaking under a doorway.

9am: I stare at your phone number; rehearse what I will say like a nervous salesman. For a month I have spoken to you in the language of stripped gears. Lying smoothly, promising our teeth will still fit; I can fix anything ,everything

10am: I tried to convince myself, what we had was not love. Breaking into it, gutting into the metal. This is only a misdemeanor, the police are already gone.

11am: The difference between a crime scene, and an excavation is only a matter of volume. When I imagined  you whispering into another man’s ear I thought there would be sirens. Lying beside him afterwards, sifting his hair with your fingers like archeology.

Noon Clock Strikes: Last time I hear you, like the faint whispered scream of a sex crime victim.
The only window opened above a burning inferno, The kind you would jump from each night as you slept beside me. I had a choice, till it wrapped in the air our bodies had created. The heavy fabric of sex, or to let the reek of that mess inside,That sour petrol smell. I opened the window every time.
"I’m sorry, I never wrote you that love poem; only this one.”

a Shared love..Shared with everyone...anybody really..

Share with me your intimate moments,

Share with me your mothers letters,

Share with me your baby photo's,

Share with me your happiness,

Share with me your love,

Share with me your creative thoughts,

12/24

keep your lies

keep your deceit

keep your false promises

keep it

Cos I'm not sharing mine

OKCUPID

It has no hands , no arms , no body nor legs

It asks for a friend , it actually begs.

Alone her words can only fly a few yards,

but together , her words, like a house of cards.

A delicate wind of truth sweeps pass

and her words shatter as shatterpoof glass

all around us, lay sharp broken lies

shards of it, cut hearts and eyes

questions upon questions build in my head

who was he to you? and would you be happy with him instead?

I wonder how could I ever have been so stupid?

" cos you're a dumbass" well..... OKCUPID

In the event of my demise

Dear Skyla,

 
"its Daddy. If you’re reading this then I’m dead. Sorry about that. I hope the funeral was good – did Mommy play Tina Turner- we don’t need another hero? as they lowered me into the ground? I hope everyone sang along and wore the Tina Turner wigs, as I stipulated in my will?

“Look – here are a couple of things I’ve learnt on the way that you might find useful in the coming years. It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start. Also, I’ve left you loads of life-insurance money – so go hog wild on Paint, Canvas, Sports Equipment, vintage dresses whatever you feel that will make your soul beautiful, You have always looked beautiful.

“The main thing is just to try to be nice. You already are – so lovely I burst, Skywalker – and so I want you to hang on to that and never let it go. Keep slowly turning it up, like a dimmer switch, whenever you can. Just resolve to shine, constantly and steadily, like a warm lamp in the corner, and people will want to move towards you in order to feel happy, and to read things more clearly. You will be bright and constant in a world of dark and flux, and this will save you the anxiety of other, ultimately less satisfying things like ‘being cool’, ‘being more successful than everyone else’ and ‘being very thin’.

“Second, always remember that, nine times out of ten, you probably aren’t having a full-on nervous breakdown – you’re just hungry or sleepy. You’d be amazed how easily and repeatedly you can confuse the three. Have lots of bacon and cake ready for when you need it.

“Three – always pick up worms off the pavement and put them on the grass. They’re having a bad day, and they’re good for… the earth or something (ask mommy too google this I’m not really sure).

“Four: choose your friends wisely because you feel most like yourself around them, because the jokes are easy and you feel like you’re in your best outfit when you’re with them, even though you’re just in a T-shirt. Never love someone whom you think you need to mend – or who makes you feel like you should be mended. There are boys out there who look for shining girls; they will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart. The books about vampires are true, baby. Drive a stake through their hearts and run away.

“Stay at peace with your body. While it’s healthy, never think of it as a problem or a failure. Pat your legs occasionally and thank them for being able to run. Put your hands on your belly and enjoy how soft and warm you are – feel the wind against your face, the sand and earth beneath your feet and always remember that you are on a rock floating through space.

“Whenever you can’t think of something to say in a conversation, ask people questions instead. Even if you’re next to a man who collects old screws and bolts, you will probably never have another opportunity to find out so much about old screws and bolts, and you never know when it will be useful.

“This segues into the next tip: life divides into AMAZING ENJOYABLE TIMES and APPALLING EXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE AMAZING ANECDOTES. However awful either will be, you can get through any experience if you imagine yourself, in the future, telling your friends about it as they scream, with increasing disbelief, ‘NO! NO!’ Even when Jesus was on the cross, I bet He was thinking, ‘When I rise in three days, the disciples aren’t going to believe this when I tell them about it.’

“Baby Skywalker, see as many sunrises and sunsets as you can. Run across roads to smell fat roses. Always believe you can change the world – even if it’s only a tiny bit, because every tiny bit needed someone who changed it. Think of yourself as a silver rocket – use loud music as your fuel; books like maps and co-ordinates for how to get there. Host extravagantly, love constantly, dance in comfortable shoes, talk to Mommy and Xia about me every day and never, ever start smoking. It’s like buying a fun baby dragon that will grow and eventually burn down your f***ing house.

“Love, Daddy.”

REALITY CHECK

I fucking hate cigarettes
" he blows smoke as he blows oppurtunities"

...carelessly..

throw caution to the wind
and
let
your
damn
battery
die

positivity shows up late or when you never need it

ANYONE can be happy on a Friday
you dont need a reason??

AND NOW..

go be a hero, don't let nothing stop you or anything convince you

We are all of us trees..

We are all of us trees

Rooted in our own beleifs
We grow tall against the wind and rain
We stand through storms and hurricanes

We are not what you want us to be
We are not paper, chairs or your favourite book
We are not what keeps your warm or cooks your food

We give shade to those who're close to us
and burn those who abuse us

We throw leaves when were sad
and grow leaves smiling in the sun

We are cut down in our prime
and travel the world ,shadows of who we used to be

We are all of us trees

and then I Threw up

and while having breakfast I fell in love
a love I've felt before but lost
a feeling so corrupt and false
it felt forced as if love to me had forsaken
someone I loved before was eating my bacon
I sipped my lust-juice and contemplated contempt-filled croissants

Lunch passed by, i just smiled and said "hi"

but while having supper I fell in love another time and again
it was a love I knew before but left
a feeling more secure and yet
leveraged against trust and honesty

Now!! aware of my mistake

Changing fate before dinner was too late
a lie for a lie leaves the whole world blind
an eye for an eye would be more just

 too late to change my fate
2 devoured hearts, 2 swallowed truths ,

no more bacon
no more steak
no more love
no more lust

 and then I looked back and just Threw up...

a Vanilla Moon to a Lone wolf

DEATH TO ALL MOONS!!

cries the lone wolf
afraid and lost
the wolf sobs and sobs
into the darkness he goes..
MOONS DO NOT LISTEN !!
DEATH TO ALL MOONS!

cries the lone wolf in the dark

 A vanilla moon appears as dusk in the twilight..
a warm stare shines across the darkness onto the lone sad wolf
"You are a moon, DEATH TO ALL MOONS WHO DO NOT HEAR ME"
says he

 the Moon replies
"I am the moon makes light that which is sad and shines onto those who are lone, I hear you, and as you howl into the night ,I the moon cries back at you" "DEATH TO ALL SAD LONE WOLVES"..

in the Event of my Demise

Dear Xia,

My 1st princess, my smiles and sighs There is no one else on this planet like you, sure there are similar people, but none like you. I will love you until the Universe is no more and stand by you no matter what you do or feel. You are not alone, you are never alone, you are celebrated and adored. You have no need to do foolish things to impress anyone for the acceptance you seek is already yours.

I KNOW THIS MIGHT SEEM LIKE ALOT OF ADVICE BUT YOU ARE MY TORCH BEARER, MY FIRST BORN AND THE ELDEST OF MY HERITAGE,I NEED YOU TO LOOK OUT FOR AND GUIDE SKYLA ONTO THE RIGHT PATH, YOU'RE BOTH UNIQUE AND SPECIAL TO ME AND I HAVE LOVED YOU DIFFERENTLY AND EQUALLY ALWAYS..

If it is respect you seek, EARN it. If it is love you seek.. GIVE it. Be friendly and understanding always. Wisdom and understanding are worth more than any physical treasure upon this earth, all else fails and disappoints you.

Love wisdom, she is the only companion worthy of your adoration. She will heal you, feed you, strengthen your relationships and make all your dreams come true. Wisdom should be higher than all else in your life, above your spouse, above your fiends, above your parents! Beware her brother knowledge though - he puffs up and makes you haughty.

Never study to be qualified, study to be informed!! Wisdom is information you can actually apply and true widom comes in doing not just knowing. knowledge is not power, Knowledge in action is power The most important information you will ever need is how to have great relationships and how to manage money. Relationships are the blood in the veins of happiness.

You have a big heart so i dont think relationships will be a problem for you, remember a relationship is never about you, it is always about the other person and the most successful of those is when the other person feels the same. Failed relationships inhabit your soul and plague you to your grave like Zombie's with Batteries They force you to be someone you are not and cause you to say things you do not mean. They are the fertilizer for regret. Become an expert at relationships!

 Understanding people and earning their respect is very important even the homeless man, or the parking attendant.

You need more allies than enemies, but the input of enemies is just as important as the input of allies. Don't be a proud fool, where pride leads, shame and loss follow closely, always be humble, always. We all have a weakness, knowing your weakness doesnt make you weak, it only makes you weak when you deny it. This should lead to a study of Marriage A great marriage is the only doctorate you will ever really need, with whichever partner you choose, its a new generation and i dont know who you will grow up to love, becuase we dont choose those we love, we only choose those we hurt. Study it, consistently work on it, throw your life into it for when it is healthy it will be the launch pad for every impossible dream you have. It will be your haven, your resting place, your place of strength. But refuse to work at it, refuse to have patience, keep a log of your partners wrongs and focus on the things that matter least at the expense of the things that matter most and marriage will be the worst nightmare you can possibly imagine yes even worse than a world without Bacon! If you want to get a degree in anything, get a degree in marriage - If you get this right, life will fall into place like happy dominoes! You will have a partner who will help you, inspire you and drive you to survive every storm and climb every mountain! Money lives. He is ruthless but respects a good steward. He demands leadership or he will lead you and he will lead you to destruction for he has contempt for those who are not wise enough to lead him! So LEAD him. Understand his nature, study him, be disciplined with him and he will become your loyal servant, submitting to your every command. NEVER even speak of his power over you, but continuously speak of your power over him. Treat him like a servant, not like a master! Make him work for you, never work for him! A career for a boss can only be a means to an end, part of your training to be a master! Never be a slave to money, be a student and serve accordingly, but never be a slave. Slaves have to break their backs to pay for expensive things that have no real meaning, always buy something with meaning.

When you are a master, an Audi TT (my dream car) will be one of your toys, when you are a slave, that same car will be a noose around your neck, forcing you to work long hours to own it. Be a master of money. Not a slave! Read everything you possibly can to know him better, for any form of ignorance with him will cost you years of your life. He is an enslaver of the ignorant and a slave of the informed! Every decision has a consequence. Make wise decisions, make wise decisions all the time. Wisdom must be your everything, she wants ALL your dreams to come true. Every action has an equal or opposite reaction. There is no such thing as 'getting away with it'. You will never have a money problem for it is in truth a wisdom problem. You will never have a relationship problem for it is in truth a wisdom problem. You will always be calmer and wiser than your enemies. Calm is control. Calm is power. You are not an animal, you are a creature of grace and power.

Sex is special. Don't cheapen it, for you will lose one of the most satisfying experiences your body and soul can experience. Sex is a lot of fun, but to those who cheapen it, sex will be nothing more than that. To those who understand its' purpose, it will be a powerful emotional experience that will give you strength when you are weak. Respect it enough to study it as you study relationships and money. In your marriage bed, it is the third allie of your relationship! Husband, Wife and bedroom :) When you experience it, you will know what I mean. It is well worth waiting for! Save it for someone who truly deserves it. Sleeping around and cheapening sex cheapens relationships and weakens that home base that marriage should be. You need a partner who sees only you and seeks to please you alone. It's frikkin awesome! There is nothing greater in the world than knowing that someone else lives for your every pleasure. (And you for theirs of course). This is what real marriage is. Don't give in to public opinion, it has never worked for anyone. The weak are governed by instant gratification. They gamble with their futures and the futures of others for the sake of an orgasm. Masters think in years, slaves think in days and weeks. Those who cannot find the beauty in something will eventually pervert it. Don't be one of them. Make everything a quest and relish the rewards. Believe me my child, they are well worth relishing..heh heh. LOVE PEOPLE. Love is not an emotion. The'love' emotion is actually the fruit of correctly applied love. Love is what you do for people (or a person). Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love is slow to anger. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love seeks first to understand before seeking to be understood. Love forgives easily. Love will go the extra mile! Love will be tough when it needs to be for the sake of the person who needs it. (like when I smack that naughty bum!) Love is what you do for someone you have made a commitment to, and a gift you give to those who have not earned it! Love rebukes for the sake of someones' future and NEVER for the sake of emotional release. Cowards shout at people becuase they have no self control! If someone shouts at you, just love them and apply wisdom in your answers. Weak minded people shout, you can't win an argument when people are shouting because love is absent from the conversation. Raised voices and insults bring pain... The release is one sided and one person will always leave that conversation in a lot of pain. Don't get involved in such stuff.. it's futile and painful! If you want to shout, watch a sport or have fun.. People let you down, they disappoint you, this is true.. BUT.. ...if you love them you will realize why they can be selfish and foolish. All selfishness is born out of lack, which leads to greed. These are both false perceptions, but many people are afflicted with them. They become selfish becuase they think there is not enough of everything to go around... hahahaha.. ignorami! It is called 'self preservation', when people try to look out for themselves at the expense of others. Be a healing force in their lives.

 Never give more (money) than you have for these people will take it all, but be a source of life for them. Be a source of wisdom and information that sets free. Don't share your wisdom to get followers, share your wisdom to bare fruit! Fifty thousand people who think you are wise are not fruit, they are just a crowd of gullibles! Five people with happy marriages and better finances becuase of you.. thats fruit! Money and relationships are the big hurt centres for people, help them there and you help them everywhere without having to lift a further finger. Teach them to pursue wisdom.. she will do all the work from there onwards! Be the one good reference of love and acceptance for them, be the one person they remember that was always accepting of them and you will change them without them or you even realizing it. The world is full of hurting people, do not become one of them.

 As long as you strive to be a light in all you do, the darkness will not touch you.  To carry bitterness and resentment is to carry a dead man on your back. The one you hate will rot into your very flesh and cause you great pain, they will become a great burden to you and they will not even realize it. Unforgiveness is simply not worth the price you pay for the self righteousness. Rise above your enemies and be the righteous one. They will destroy themselves soon enough. Such is the nature of foolish things and those who hold onto them. Laugh a lot, laugh easily, laugh for no reason, laugh for any reason. Laughter is beautiful and should never be diminished in any way. Laugh at yourself, laugh at your own jokes, smile and laugh often and your days will be long! If someone makes fun of you for laughing at your own jokes, ask them why they tell jokes if they don't think the joke is funny. People are weird.. don't let them get you down.. they think one thing today and another thing tommorrow. Be where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated.

Go where people are happy to see you and call them your brothers and sisters, but be wise about it. If good people do not celebrate you, the problem is in you. If fools celebrate you, I will spank your ass until it moves from your head back down to where it belongs! Don't think with your ass! I love you but I won't let you burn your hand on the stove! be wise, not a wise ass! If you fail at anything, that is a good thing! Pick yourself up and try again.

 Don't be afraid to try many different things. Failure is awesome, it toughens you up and speeds up your ability to overcome mega obstacles! If you measure yourself by the success of other people you will end up depressed because most of them opt for one career which they hate and buy their houses and cars from banks that will take it all away if two payments are missed.

Life is about fulfillment, not security. Your kids don't care about what you own, they care about what you love! Failure is not fun, but anything you can learn from those experiences is solid gold wisdom. Knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what to do! Success is impossible without failure, but don't let failure be your master.

You are the master of your own destiny and wars are made up of battles. Some you win... some you lose, but those you survive will make you stronger!

Grow, take a deep breath and move on! Quitting while you are ahead is not the same as quitting.

Trust wisdom and follow your instincts. Obey your conscience and follow your passion and you should be fine. I love you more than I love my own life and desire great things for you. It is impossible for you to disappoint me or let me down. The only person you can let down is yourself. If that ever happens I'll always be here to catch you.

 I love you.

 Dad.

Strangers that have met before...

Stangers that have met before
Shared a glance from across the room

Strangers that have met before
Shared melodic lives of the same tune

Strangers that have met before
Shared curious smiles and nostalgic blips

Strangers that have met before
Shared breaths and studied lips

Strangers that have met before
Embraced a waltz across the walnut floor

Strangers that have met before
were now not strangers anymore..

Betrayed by my heart

I think she loves me...!
We Danced and Danced until we could no more
Her eyes entrapped mine,
drowning out world
We spoke for hours
laughed for days and Laid for weeks
We promised forever and made the future grin
We shared "hearts" and secrets all that is to share to celebrate a partnership eternal
I drank and swallowed from Gods Silver Challice of Life's past , present and future
its deep red as love
its deep red as Life
its deep red as Happyness
Its deep red as BLOOD...
its wine made me drunk with doubt,
my eyes teared with fear and regret as its poison lingered on my lips
"I love you" escaped me...
we walked...
whilst she watched unawares as the demon crept closer
My heart rapped with an unnatural in-sencerity
she held me close and gave me her heart
fighting the poison within,
I took her heart and held it to my chest
we walked...
after many full-moons had passed
I could fight no more
the demon consumed me
the poison turned my heart to coal
I had no more myself and no longer could feel
The past present and future overwhelmed me..
I could not win
I held her heart before her ,palmed in my cold hands... and devoured it..
I watched the life escaped from her eyes....
I know she hates me...

Do not fear the pain...it is itself

Your pain is the opening of the clasps that contain your thoughts
Even as the pain moulds you , tickles you and bring you to heart ache, so must you know pain.
And if you could enjoy one of the small wonders of life, your pain would still not be greater than your joy..
you would accept that life has its seasons, as easy as you've accepted the seasons of the sun and moon
you would watch over your pain as you watch over the winter rains..

All your pain is self-chosen...
It is the bitter spoon of medicine the doctor gives you..
and because you trust the doctor, you drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity
For his skills, though clumsy and awkward come as a gift from above
And the cup he brings, even though it burns your lips as been made with glass that the glassmaker has cooled with his own sacred tears..

"Picture of my life"

I never had a dream that I could follow through
Only tears left to stain, dry my eyes once again
I don't know who I am, or what I'm gonna do
Been so long I've been hopelessly confused
This can never really end, its infinitely sad
Can someone tell me when
Something good became so bad
So if you have a cure
To me would you please send
A picture of my life
With a letter telling how
it should really be instead

The precipice is there
But will I ever dare
Throw myself in the sky, so at last I can die
See I've become a man
Who holds nothing too dear
Who will mind if I just disappear
This can never really end, it's infinitely sad
Can someone tell me when
Something good became so bad
So if you have a cure
To me would you please send
A picture of my life
With a letter telling how
it should really be instead

Redefining definition

once defined
it is and it has become so
from pre-prime to young-legal
a quick hello, a wry smile
get dressed ,re-dress,undress,
no thinking automatic tv-channel changes
sunken spot on sunken couch
sulk and stew in fictitious thoughts of
a slow denial of a apathetic reality
a slow burning cigarette ash on the floor
it is what it is..

once redefined
it was so and is now seen as new
clean eyes see wide open ideas
from young -legal to wise owl
a slow hello with silent contented smile
a warm cloth wraps a kindred spirit
always grateful for beauty of his creations
for blessings and lessons
raised above the mundane elated and elevated
philosophy of tongue and word pump blood through refreshing thought
a graceful acceptance of the universe as one
a breath of fresh air quickens the heart
it is not what it used to be
it is redefined

this is not a poem..

my scribbles and incandescent thoughts are not poetry...big words on a page is not poetry, quoting shakespeare verbatim or resciting yeats on a loudspeaker , dude ...thats not poetry, the final realisation of the presence of a malevelont force that causes a feeling so strong inside you, that your very existence and being is shaken..that is poetry..a thought that inspires you to great action , that is poetry, a child holding dearly onto a balloon only to let it go and watch it drift away...that is poetry..it is the last breath after a kiss, it is the first light of the morning sun, it is the shells on a beach, wet with endless madness...that is my poetry..

SHE IS MY FAVOURITE SEASON

Unannounced God moved her upon me

she manifested herself astrologically..

she was my season and she finally came,

she pierced my windows and lit up my lifes window pane

her breath was hot,her eyes like the sun

her lips were dewdrops for that morning sensation

restless nights she put me through

tossing and tossing trying to keep cool

always better than she was last time

Keeping my mind in line with my wine

and my time with a braai

cool shorts and jaded shades hide eyes

that stare at her beautiful face shining clouded in sky’s

I fell in love those 3 months she was amazing to me

But like the leaf on the tree she decided to leave

I pleaded no and stayed outside with her till 8

But when I looked again it was dark and it was late

I screamed and asked for her name to put my curiosity at rest..

She whispered to me “summer”

And

In a cold wind

Left….

Rich DAD poor DAD

"hello daddy" - she said to me as I picked up  from her mothers house, "weekend daddy , I thought to myself, this is what it has come to" ... I grew up the youngest of 6, in-between houses and schools, no father because he had chose another woman with another family, almost no mother because she was out working far from home keeping us alive, I held my relationship with my father in my heart for quiet some time and deeply resented him for the choice he made no child should grow up fatherless like I did, not in this after-apartheid society that still socially segregates children based on race, I knew first hand what that emptiness felt like, I was 21 when I had my first child, barely a man, 6 months later baby number 2, yes...6 months later, you do the math, I always aspired to fill the void in my life with my own family...with one house..with one wife, to bring some stability to my life, God however thought this was funny and here I am 5 years later single Dad, picking up my kids from their mothers house I am like you, like most of us, thats been brainwashed to want what western culture has shown us is the-acceptable-dream, the windswept romance- the hopeless romantic that stops you just before you're about to get on that flight, you know the one where "they had me at hello" looking back its almost a nauseating fiction so far deject from our reality that its unbelievably sad, as sad almost as our reality is, They forget to include the very public facebook fight, the lies and cheating that goes on for months sometimes years, the lonely hurt of a broken relationship, the awkward moment your friends ask about it or even worst when you're kids ask about mommy and daddy ,there is no answer you can give them that doesn't justify why you're not together the truth is "we were selfish and didn't really want to put our differences aside and now you just gotta deal with having two christmases and running back and forth between my house and her house OK?!  "...sigh...the funniest part is that I am still holding onto those dreams..still hoping for marriage like a fools treasure, still holding onto a whimsical hollywood fantasy of a white picket fence and tyre-swing in the front-yard ...thats the reason when I see dying homeless person I give them directions to a homeless shelter that doesn't exist ..because HOPE keeps us alive...

My first published Poem- Love is a dark horse

LOVE IS A DARK HORSE..

They live in its eyes and move by its lying heart beat

Its dark coat sheens bright in the grey sky of eve..

They're driven through the wild open savannah of rock shadows and soft

light....

Crimson red manes of passion floating and jagging in the cold winds....

Saddled by each other in the whispers of dark intent ..

It moves with them and against them with its powerful limbs..

Carrying them through open exhilaration and pushing their blush into the

silent abyss..

Its loud begging-whinny is a hope cry to the millions of hearts longing

for it..

Its hypnotizing gallop fades into the echoes of time...

and disappears

over the eternal sheer-drop of death..

My Love is a dark horse....

The first words of a sentence..

The first words of a sentence determine whether the content value of what you're reading is actually worth it, well let me start by saying that this is not by any means of any value to you...you might find more value watching paint dry this is however valuable to me, this blog is the beginning of my journey and my dream ..................my dream to become a writer..